Monday, September 27, 2010

You have a a bar!

Hi ladies and gentlemen. Quote from Sweet Home Alabama, cute movie with Reese Witherspoon. Oh yes, I guess it is time for me to talk about the subject that is not going to make me popular with some people. So I was out shopping at the outlet mall this past weekend, got some good deals...I mean Juicy Couture Sweat Pants for $45? How can you pass that up? Anyway, I was at the Guess Store and this woman had her kids in the stroller completely blocking an aisle...oblivious to the fact that her children were crawling around in the stroller and that everyone else had to go around. Don't you think she would notice? And why does the stroller have to be GI-normous? My niece and nephew were always in those basic strollers, you know the cheapie ones that you can get at Target for like $10?

And I know even my friends with children would agree with this statement...Just because you have children does not give you the right to be rude to people, or take up extra space just because you decided to pro-create. Hey parents of the world, god bless you for having children, but here are some rules from the single people out there...

1. Don't assume that everyone in the world wants children. That is why we live in the USA, we have choices and some people to choose to have biological children, some choose to have artifical insemination, some choose to adopt from the US, choose to adopt from overseas and some simply choose to not have them. Please don't impose your opinions on others or WORSE question someone else's choice. Or ask why someone doesn't TRY harder to have their own children? Are you kidding me with that question?

2. Don't assume that everyone loves your child as much as you do OR thinks your child is as cute as you do. Hey, I think kids are great, my niece and nephew ROCK. My best friend's daughter is beautiful... but that kid pulling at my handbag in line at the grocery store, while the mother ignores him, NOT SO CUTE. Parents, pay attention, make sure you child is not annoying everyone around you. And don't let them run wild in a store or in a public place where it is inappropriate.

3. Public transportation!!! Especially planes. Oh lord, don't let your child kick the back of my seat. If you find yourself in a situation where you can't stop your child from screaming (hey it happens to everyone) what you can, but don't sit there and laugh about it, no one else on the plane thinks it's funny. And I have seen those poor parents trying to get a child from screaming...I understand.

4. Don't take your children to places that they shouldn't a bar in Wrigleyville on a Saturday night. Yep, I get it, mom and dad need to go out from time to time, hey, they have these new things now called BABYSITTERS! We used to have them when we were little (my sister and I) and guess what, we were fine! Other places, an outdoor concert or festival that lasts until 10 PM, shouldn't junior be in bed?

5. STROLLERS! Dear lord, can you find the smaller one? Don't block aisles, don't run them into people. I understand you need a stroller and that is cool, but don't be rude with it either. You don't have the right of way because you have a BIG stroller.

6. Alert...for those living in a condo or apartment. Be mindful of the fact that other single people live around you. I understand that kids cry and honestly I very rarely hear the child above me cry. But I have a friend who lives in a condo where the people above her let the child run the hallways at like 6 AM on a Sunday, come ON...have a heart and a brain. Convince little Sally Sue to play in her room for a few hours.

So parents of the world, have some class. I respect the fact that you have children and heck I even like some of them. But you need to respect the single people too (and other parents) and make sure that your kid is not imposing on those around you. Take heed in the suggestions above and everyone can live peacefully.


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Yes, ladies, it is good to show an interest... in SPORTS

Oh YAY! It is my favorite time of year, college football is in full swing and my Huskers are rated number SIX...whoo hoo! Yes, I know there are ladies out there that are rolling their eyes because that means that their husands/BFs will be glued to the TV on Saturday and Sunday this fall once again. Well, ladies, I am here to tell you that it would probably do you some good to learn the basics of football, basketball and even baseball...maybe a little golf as well. If you live in New York, Illinois, Minnesota or Michigan, you need to know something about hockey as well. And if you already know something, like Smiles or Bubba, you can skip the rest of this blog post.

Well, ladies..are you asking WHY do I need to know about stoopid football? Well, I don't want you to be a stereotypical female, hate sports and get ticked at your significant other when he wants to watch them. AND there is something to be said for watching a game at a bar or going to a game...guess what there are LOTS of men at those events. If you are single, WHY NOT increased your odds AND if you are married, you could spend time with your husband watching the game. And if you have no interest in either of these, it does help with conversations with strangers, at parties and hey you might meet a new guy friend or girl friend.

So here are some of the basics you need to know:

1. Football is played on Saturday, not on Sunday. College athletes get paid WAY less than pros do to play ball...NO, I am just kidding, well...kind of kidding. Anyway, football, hot men in tight pants trying to tackle one another. Goal is get the ball into the opposing teams end zone. They get 4 "tries (downs)" to advance the ball 10 yards. If they fail to do that (they are losers..;), they have to punt the ball back to other team. Touchdown is worth 6 points. Field Goal is where the skinniest guy on the team kicks the ball through the uprights. Don't concern yourself with plays and steps. HEY, ladies, here is an idea, go to a bar and ask the cute guy about some of the finer points of the game...might lead to a date.

2. Basketball is only played through early April...anything after that is JUST silly. And the only real basketball is in these conferences...Big East and the ACC. Go Heels! Ok, once again, I am kidding, there is pro and college basketball as well. College basketball ends with March Madness. And if you get an opportunity, single ladies, go to Vegas for parts of March Madness, your odds of men to women is about 50 to 1. Ok, so the goal is to get the round ball through the hoop on the other team's court. One basket is worth 2 points, if a player shoots outside the arc, it is worth 3 points. If a player is hit while trying to shoot, the player gets to shoot from the line. Once again, don't worry about the penalties and what zone defense means...that is a little too advanced. And basketball is played when it is cold in Chicago, SO find a cozy bar and a cozy guy to discuss the game.

3. Baseball is the stop gap until football starts again and is generally pretty boring. If your team happens to play in the American League, at least you get to see more scoring. Of course, being a Cubs fan, I don't see very much scoring, hitting, good pitching...etc, etc. Anyway, baseball on TV is VERY boring, don't try to get into a game that way, you will just end up reading your Glamour magazine anyway. BUT if you can see a game live, that is fun, most baseball parks are really nice these days and you CAN drink wine while watching baseball. OK, object of the game, hit the round ball with the bat, run around 3 bases and return to home befoe getting tagged. If a player hits a ball out of the park, it is a homerun. The player has three "tries" (strikes) to try to hit the ball. There are balls and walks, but eh, you don't need to know about that either.

4. Golf...Sigh, yep, it is boring to watch on TV. My dad watches golf 24/7, so I know, I have experienced it. However, some of the bigger golf tournaments (meaning...the Masters) are fun to watch on TV. And those golfers are pretty hot. With golf, lowest score wins the game. The goal is to get the little white ball in the hole with as few strokes as possible (using a golf club, sometimes, I think I would have fewer strokes if I just THREW the ball). Anyway, there are lots of obstacles like water and sand traps that make it more difficult to get the hole close to the green. Watching a tournament in person is pretty fun...I am going this weekend to the BMW Championship in Chicago.

5. Hockey, OK I don't know crap about hockey. Here is what I do know, players skate on ice (scary!) and fight a lot. Goal is get the puck in the other team's goal (net). Players are big and hairy with lots of missing teeth. BUT I do live in Chicago and we are home to the Stanley Cup champs, the Blackhawks, so I did watch a few of the games this year and you know what? It was pretty exciting. There are a lot of penalties...high sticking, icing...I don't know high kicking. Anyway, I know enough to watch a game.

So there you have it ladies! JZZRGRL's basics on sports. There are Soccer or Tennis that can be interesting, but that is up to you (hot guys in both soccer and tennis). A basic knowledge will take you a long way and not just with the gentlemen, but with everyone. We live in America and we are obsessed with our ladies seriously, do yourself a favor, learn a you never know who you might met! OR you might find that you LOVE golf, who knows. Or horse racing (yes, it is considered a sport) and you could go the Kentucky Derby and wear a fabulous Phillip Treacy hat...Extra knowledge is always a good thing.


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Must I constantly gripe on this...MANNERS!!

HELLO ladies and gentlemen! It's been a long time and I know you have been anxiously awaiting my next post, she says sarcastically. Well, a lot has gone on in my life. Here are the three highlights:
1. I have a new job, yes, I have joined the ranks of the gainfully employed. Yes, I am still doing my Jazzercise business. And SMBJAZZ does certainly make money, just not enough to support my obsession with high end cars and shoes. So I am doing some marketing work for a software company. And I am happy to say that they are Apple based, so I am back working on a LOVELY Mac laptop, although it is not PINK, it is clearly, the better PC.

2. I have lost 17 pounds thanks to a company called Isagenix. I am proud to say that I am in single digit size jeans now.

3. SMBJAZZ just posted it's best month ever!

So lots of good news from JZZRGRL! Alas, still no man that is decent enough to hold my interest, but I am sure that is not shocking to my readers out there. But of course, in the past few weeks, I have had some experiences with rude, stupid people AGAIN and thus the title for my post! Geez, I feel like a broken record but I must address of some these situations:

1. Ravinia, Saturday Night, Train in Concert. We got there at 4:15 PM so that we could get a decent spot on the lawn and not be crowded (it was a SOLD OUT concert). We set out our blanket, put up the table, blah, blah. A family comes in next to us and proceeds to set up ON our blanket as there is not enough room for them and all of their kids. Question: should children be out until 11 PM at a concert? Anyway, they were fairly quiet, so I gave them a pass. BUT LO and BEHOLD, 4 people come in behind us to take a spot that really isn't a spot. In fact they have to put their chairs in a line. It is two married couples and the guys have clearly already been drinking. They open the cooler, half of the CASE of beer is already gone and one of the guys is DIGGING through the empty beer cans to get to a full one. They are LOUD and OBNOXIOUS. Then they proceed to pull of the loaf of white bread, pass it down with the jar of mustard and bologna to make sandwiches...YUCK. The guys were so loud, singing at the top of their lungs. The ladies must have realized that we were annoyed and tried to shut them up. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, have a little courtesy, if you get there late, you are sitting in the back of the park, period...don't encroach on someone else's spot and most importantly, BE quiet. EWWW, they were horrible.

2. Ok, next...My upstairs neighbors. Oh dear lord! These people are SO LOUD. I can hear the chick pounding so hard with her feet on the hardwood that I can literally tell when she is wearing slippers or flip flops. Their dogs pee in the breezeway and on the deck (which of course runs down onto my deck). The dogs ALSO run the hallways at like 5:30 AM. She can barely bring herself to say hello to me. NOW HEAR THIS...if you live in a condo building, have some courtesy! Don't be rude, we all pay our mortgage and our association dues to live in a pleasant environment. Take off your shoes, be mindful of the fact that others live in your building. Case in point, I ALWAYS take off my shoes when I come in the house so that I am not too loud for my downstairs neighbors. OH YEAH and my cat has decided she is lonely in her OLD AGE and has been waking me up 2-3 times per night.

3. NEXT...this one is awesome! So the other day, I am stuck in bad CHICAGO traffic and I am late to work. I am frustrated because I am in construction traffic, so I finally get off on the exit and I am following this motorcycle that is going FREAKING slow (much slower than the speed limit). As you can imagine, I drive fast, so I whip around this guy (mind you there are two lanes) so that I can get down the ramp and turn (I DID NOT cut him off, he was safe!). He comes up to my car and gives me a look, I say...what? you were going to slow. He proceeds to go to the front of the line of cars and convince the guy in the front car to drive the same speed as him all the way down Ogden Avenue. This speed is about 20 miles per hour, so that me (and the 20 cars behind me) have to drive 20 miles per hour all the way down Ogden. Really, HOW RUDE IS THAT? Don't you have anything better to do? I was so angry I was shaking by the time I got to work. If you don't like the way someone drives, ignore them and drive somewhere else, don't "teach" me a lesson!

Ladies and gentlemen, really have some courtesy! You are not the only person on the planet, everyone is busy, no one's time is MORE important (except maybe the ambulance or police, they might be saving people). Take some time to make sure that your actions are not infringing on other people.

And parents...this means your kids as well. I know you can't control them at all times and I get that, but junior kicking the back of my seat on the plane is NOT cute, it is just rude. You know they are talking about creating a separate section on airplanes for families...feel free to discuss amongst yourselves....

Stay tuned for another post...this one just came to me, ladies...seriously, an appreciation for sports will go a long way with the gentlemen! Live and learn. GO BIG RED!