Wednesday, April 21, 2010

It's not something you can run from like a crying baby or a bill...

My girl, Karen Walker provided the quote for the title. LOVE HER! Ok, so this subject came up recently with some girlfriends and I thought it was time to discuss. I had friend go on a first date with a guy for drinks. It wasn't the greatest date (he was a BAD kisser, see blog post, This Kiss, This Kiss from August 24, 2009). But the worse part about it was that he let her pay the bill for the drinks and gave her cash for his portion. I'm sorry but I guess chivalry really is DEAD! If the guy asks you out on a first date, he should really pay.

So, it actually got me to thinking about the whole subject of paying the bill when going out for drinks, dinner or any type of entertainment with a date or even a group of friends. So what is proper protocol when paying for a date? Now, I am not one to believe that the guy always pays, because as an independent woman, I believe it is my responsibility to pay my way. But what is appropriate? Ladies seriously, if you are dating someone, or say you get to a FIVER (meaning you have had 5 dates with someone) and it is obvious that things are going well, maybe you should call and ask the guy out and PAY for it. It doesn't have to be extravagant, but trust me, the guy will LIKE it. It is NOT cool to always make the guy pay. But gentlemen, that doesn't mean you get off easy either, don't always let your woman plan the evening out. Trust me I had an ex-husband like that and it was EXHAUSTING. It is nice to be surprised sometimes. I say that it should be a fair give and take between the two. Class on both sides.

So what happens when you are out with a group of friends (guys, girls or mixed company)? How do you handle the bill when it comes? Well, my opinion is that you simply split it with the entire group, UNLESS, you have someone who only had soup and coffee and everyone else had 3 courses and two bottles of wine. Now, none of my friends are this way, but I have heard of people that divide up the bill to the penny and excluding the tax, doing the tip, blah, blah, blah...REALLY? Ladies and gentlemen, are your friends really worth squabbling over a few dollars? Back in the day when I was bringing over 6 figures, I certainly didn't have a problem making up the difference for friends that maybe were struggling a bit financially. AND NOW that I am a business owner, my friends are happy to help me out a bit. It will all come out in the wash and who cares, it is a few dollars and they are your good friends? So ladies seriously, have some class about the bill.

I guess once again the golden rule applies once again (funny how that works), treat your friends and you would have them treat you! That includes your bar bill (trust me, my bar bill sometimes equals the GNP of a small country)!

Cheers and CIAO BELLAS!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

You can't teach an old dog new tricks!

Yes, it is an overused saying, but I am finding that is it still applicable to many of our friends of the opposite sex. My parents will be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary this year and I have to laugh sometimes when my mamala complains about things that my dad does (or most of the time doesn't do). She has been complaining about the same things for as long as I can remember. And guess what, she still loves him, BUT he AIN'T going to change and she knows it.

And I always have to wonder what women are thinking when they meet a guy and find a few things that they don't like about him. And what does she try to do? Change him, right? And gentlemen, does this work? GENERALLY NO...there might be a few areas that can be changed if the man wants them to be, like his fashion choices, he may need a makeover and if lady is willing to work with it, OK. But his choices in music, friends, leisure activities or his willingness be faithful to you...probably not. And ladies, I know you are FABULOUS and you would think that your fabulousness alone would be enough to change him, but....NO.

So is it does beg the question, ladies, why do you look for or choose to date guys that don't fit your basic criteria? I guess, I know the answer because there is so much pressure to be a couple versus being a single that a lot of times, you LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH, as opposed to finding the right one. AND TRUST ME, I KNOW, I have been single for about 10 years and it gets really OLD. And I love my married friends and family, who tell me, "he's just around the corner" or "that guy isn't worth it". Well, you know what, my dear friends and family, easy for you to say, sometimes not so easy to live with.

But, ladies seriously, either love your man for who he is and don't try to change him OR if there are things about him that you can't live with, then get out of the relationship. Relationships are definitely about compromise, but you have to decide for yourself what you can and can't live with. I mean, if you are like me and prefer short bald men and find a fabulous tall man with hair, are you really going to break up with him...probably not! But if you need someone who loves dogs as much as you do and your man hates all animals, that might be a deal breaker, or if he smokes or doesn't like kids. Ladies, it way more classy to be true to yourself and your needs than stay in a relationship just so you can have one and then to try to change your man.

So the best thing that you can do is be true to who you are and eventually the right prince charming will come along..or at least that is what I keep saying to myself!

Cheers and CIAO BELLAS!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Ladies seriously...your intuition is usually right.

Ladies, do you ever get that feeling? You know the hairs stand up on the back of your neck. Something is not quite right? Ever get into a situation with someone and that red flag in your head starts to go up. Well, I am finding that you should never ignore your intuition. If you ignore it, generally speaking, you are kicking yourself later because your intuition is USUALLY right.

Now, I know that I am notoriously BAD at picking the right man. And a lot of times when I think a guy is really a good guy, he really isn't. But generally even when I think a guy is a good guy, I have this gut feeling that he is bad news and I am usually right. You would actually be proud of me, recently, that little red flag went up when I was planning on meeting on an old work colleague to discuss his new business venture. I was genuinely interested to see if he would possibly have a job for me in the future. Well, my intent was to meet with him during the day for coffee or soda. And he, of course, kept being real elusive about the time and the place. And then ultimately pushed it to drinks after dinner. BIG RED FLAG...this man is married and simply wanted to hit on me (for the back story on him refer to blog post It's not OK from November 15, 2009). I cancelled the get together and have not spoken to him since.

So, I know what you thinking, why is JZZRGRL bringing this up now? Well, yes, if you guessed that I have a personal story to tell, well then you guessed right. I recently spent time with a very good looking guy who lives outside my ZIP code (and PS, has a long term girlfriend). Said man and I have known each other for over a year and have always been friendly. Recently SAID man and I starting communicating via text, email, Skype, phone, etc and found that not only did we have a physical attraction to one another, we also had a lot in common and found that we actually enjoyed speaking to one another. HOWEVER, that little red flag was going up in the back of my mind. I even SAID man that I was concerned that I was going to be the loser in this scenario (for the back story on SAID man, please refer to the post Once a cheater, always a cheater on August 1st).

So of course, I did see him a few weeks ago. I spent three nights with him and yes, we had a great time. It ALL worked if you know what I mean. SAID man spent 6 weeks texting, calling and getting to know prior to our planned time together. SAID man had also been making comments about coming to see me on other vacations, etc, etc...

SO WHAT, do you think happened? YEP, you guessed it, I got back from the trip and have heard from him exactly three times. AND most times it was in response to a text or email from me. So those red flags, saying you are only being used for one thing and he has a GF, why is interested in you? YEP, they were all correct. SO SAID MAN! THANK YOU very much for confirming EXACTLY what I thought would happen. And the most disappointing part, I considered him a friend and his actions are so disappointing as a friend! Complete lack of class, no matter what the situation.

So ladies seriously, hear me NOW. If something seems not right, it probably isn't and don't make the mistake I made! Because I actually really liked this guy and now I am hurt and disappointed. You are too fabulous to have to be in my situation!

Cheers and CIAO BELLAS!