Monday, January 18, 2010

For crying out loud, put a coat on....

Ladies, does that sound like your mother? Well, if that bothers you, you might want to stop reading right now. Because on Saturday night, the hot redhead and I went out to a bar in Bucktown with our wonderful gay friends, and let me tell you, it was a ladies seriously MECCA of fashion don'ts. First, let me say, I think that at the ages of 35 and 38, we were definitely increasing the average age in the facility. SO, let's temper these comments with the fact that these women were maybe not old enough to know better (but then again...) Ok, just to review, the following rules are some my fashion basics:
1. Dress for your body style and age
2. Boobs need to be up, out and covered appropriately (no party hats)
3. Wear the appropriate panties for your outfit

4. LADIES SERIOUSLY, if the temperature outside is 30 degrees or below (with some snow on the ground), don't wear a short skirt with no tights and open toed shoes. We live in Chicago, this is not Vegas or South Beach. It makes me cold thinking about it. Plus their legs are just pasty at this time in the year, it just looks bad.

5. Wear an appropriate coat. We used to call the people with no coats IWOCs...idiots without a coat. Again, if it is below 30 degrees outside, PUT ON A COAT. Most bars have coat check, spend the extra $1 and save yourself freezing to death. Especially when you are silly enough to stand in line at a bar to get in (REALLY, we live in Chicago, there is another bar two doors down) And when I say appropriate, if you have a cute, "going out" outfit on, please don't wear a down filled "puffy" North Face coat, you should wear a dress coat at least. The image of George Costanza in his huge Goretex coat comes to mind.
6. Lastly, but most importantly, never, ever, ever, ever wear a top with jewelry screened on or sewn in. It just looks silly and cheap, you can get the same effect by buying a cheap tank and cheap necklaces.

OH there were so many more that I could get into, but hey these were the recurring themes. Like don't wear a white shear dress in the dead of winter with black tights...I'm just saying.

So those are my new fashion rules. In March, the redhead and I are going to Vegas for 4 days. I cannot wait for the fashion critiques there. We decided Saturday night was a good warm up for that trip. So in conclusion...ladies seriously, it is cold outside, baby, wear a coat and cover up those legs until the Spring.

Cheers and CIAO BELLAS.

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