Ladies! Footwear 101

Ok, ladies, you know about my snobbery and obsession with shoes. So I think it is time that we discuss what is going on with some of you and your feet. In my last blog post, I touched on it a bit...mid calf boots on a short person, NO, Wellies with capris, NO, Flat Wooden Beaded Sandals with a sequin dress, NO and yes, I have to say it again, Uggs, NO...

Well, as I mentioned, I have been the social gal in the big city in the past few weeks and I have observed some MAJOR footwear offenders and therefore, I felt it was time for me to dedicate an entire blog post to the subject. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not saying that you shouldn't wear comfortable shoes, if you prefer flat shoes, that is fine (well, it really isn't, but...) I am saying that your shoes should ENHANCE your clothing, your body type and shape and your FOOT. So here are some reminders...

1. RUBBER FLIP FLOPS ARE FOR THE SHOWER and VERY CASUAL CLOTHING. OMG...really, rubber flip flops? I saw two ladies at a swanky club wearing short, fairly cute dresses with black RUBBER flip flops. No, not a cute pair of beaded or sequin flip flops...but RUBBER. Where are these things coming from? Ladies, don't do it.

2. If you have a pair of shoes that with 5 inch heels and you can't walk in them, DON'T wear them. I saw a girl in a fairly fashionable outfit (jeans and a cute top) with SKY HIGH heels and she was barely being able to get one foot in front of the other. Even Christian Louboutin would frown.

3. Boots are for the winter (and sometimes in spring and fall) but NEVER the summer. Please put them away. Wellies are OK, if you follow the correct clothing guidelines with it, see blog post from May 12th.

4. Boat shoes. WOW, never thought I would see these things come back in, but lo and behold, I opened my In Style mag the other day and there they were. Ok, boat shoes probably need to stay with a nautical theme or a fairly preppy theme. And BTW, don't wear the old ones that you have left over from the 80s, buy a new pair if you want to support this style. YES, it is true, I saw a chick with a white canvas pair on at the bar and those babies had to be circa 1984.

5. Fads are fads ladies. I saw that those jelly sandals are back in as well. Oh yeah and apparently espadrilles are also making a come back. This is all good, but ladies, they are fads and will be OUT next year, so don't spend a lot of money on them and pair them with a casual cute summer outfit and then trash them at the end of the season.

6. Classics are always classics. Simple pumps, strappy sandals and Mary Jane style shoes will always be in. So if you are going on an interview or simply have a cute dress and you are unsure of which way to go, you can always stick with the basics.

7. Black shoes are not always the best standby. I know as women we own like 10 pairs of black shoes. But if you are wearing a lighter colored dress or outfit, brown, champagne or silver are good options. Sometimes a splash of color is good, like a red, pink or green might be fun.

8. If you have open toed shoes (which are my favorite), please make sure your toenails are presentable. Polished toes are preferred, but if you don't like to polish, at least make sure they are properly cut, filed and buffed. In the fall and spring, it is OK to wear OPAQUE tights or socks with your open toed shoes. If these is snow on the ground, NOT OK. NEVER OK, to wear nude pantyhose with your open toed shoes. GAWD, I HATE nude pantyhose!

So, ladies seriously, look at your feet before you leave the house. As I said before, your shoes should enhance your fashion. AND your footwear shouldn't take away from your fashion OR draw attention away from your assets like your curves or your face. And please stop wearing those rubber flip flops!

Cheers and CIAO BELLAS.

Fashion fades only style remains.

OH, COCO Chanel, you always had it right my dear. Ok ladies, I have been out on the town recently and have found MANY, MANY fashion offenders and so it is time once again for JZZRGRL to send you lovely ladies some fashion reminders and some fashion updates!

1. Just because the Kardashians wear it, doesn't mean it is IN fashion or that you look good in it. Case in point, what is up with these shorts romper things that I have seen out there? Really ladies? I wore those when I was 5. This is NOT good fashion and especially not appropriate to wear out to a bar. Oh yeah and one of them had boots on with it...YUCK.

2. Ladies...if you are short, PLEASE do not wear those boots that only come up to your mid calves. A. they make you look shorter, B. it is spring, boots are passe. And they just makes you look frumpy. Especially those ones in that weird brown color.

3. Accessories are JUST as important as the outfit. FIRST and foremost, SHOES. I saw a marginally cute girl wearing a very cute champagne colored dress with sequins. She had on BLACK, FLAT, WOODEN BEADED sandals with it. Really, why would you ruin your outfit? I personally would have worn champagne or silver strappy heels with it, BUT if she prefers to wear low shoes, wear some satin mules or beaded kitten heels. SAVE the flat sandals for your shorts or capris.

4. Handbags DO count. If you are out at a club, don't bring your everyday hangbag. Why would you want to carry that big thing around? AND it usually doesn't look good with your going out outfit. When you go out, think MILK, Money, ID, Lipstick and Keys, that is all you need. You might want to add phone and credit card into that mix. You can pick up some SUPER cute small bags at Target or Kohls for this purpose, you only use the handbag for a few hours a weekend so WHO CARES if it is cheap!

5. ONCE again, I cannot say it enough times, wear the appropriate undergarments ladies. It is NOT OKAY to wear a thong with every single thing you own, sometimes, you need panties or boy shorts. AND, back fat hanging over your bra is NOT cute. Make sure to invest in a few different styles and colors of bras so that they go with all of your outfits. Ladies, REALLY, wear a bra (the girls should be up and out) and wear the appropriate underwear.

6. It is NEVER OK to wear skin tight shiny leggings. These went out with the leg warmers and thong leotards in the 80s. Yes, I SAW IT. She had on a short sweater and white sneakers. I am guessing she was not right in the head.

7. Outerwear. OK, it is spring, ladies, really, put the North Face coat and Uggs away. They can hibernate for the summer (well, you know my opinion on the Uggs, they should hibernate FOREVER, but...) You should owe at least one trench coat for cooler spring evenings or rain. And personally, on cooler spring or summer evenings, I make sure to take a cute sweater or wrap with me.

8. Rain boots...OK, ladies, I know that there are some SUPER CUTE wellies out there. Heck, I have two pairs in my hallway, one pair is a VERY cute pink Burberry. These boots don't look good with everything and I see people wearing them with EVERYTHING, they espeically don't look good with capris. If you have jeans or pants that look OK tucked into the wellies, that is fine, but be careful that the jeans don't bag at the knees. Hey, they might look cute with a casual skirt or dress, think Anthropologie or J. Crew.

So there you have it, my observations in the past two weeks...YIKES, that is a lot. The rules are basic...simply look in the mirror before you leave the house. GEEZ, I am so meticulous, I check like 4-5 times..I know OCD.

BTW, we are up to date number 4 with Mr. Harvard so stay tuned for more updates there. OH yeah, and several of the dead to me men have been popping back up, man, I have those boomerangers!

Cheers and CIAO BELLAS.

Bitter always tastes better with a good martini!

Ok, ladies, it has been a while since I have updated you on the craziness of the single ladies world or the fashion world. And let me tell you, I have been out a couple of times recently and I have A LOT of fashion fodder to make comments on, which you will see soon, BUT, I have decided to ditch the bitterness (as long as I can have a good martini with it) and I thought would change gears on you all and spread some positive light on our friends of the opposite sex.

So, surprising as it may seem, I am still single as you all know. I really haven't a decent string of dates in many years. AND I recently went through the heartache of being used for my "physical" attributes by a guy I really liked (Napa). So let's just say, I wasn't batting a 1000 (to use sports terminology that our gentlemen readers can follow). One might say, I have a reason to be bitter about men, but ALAS, I actually have been out twice with a really nice guy and so ladies seriously, I thought I would share some positive things about him and we will call him Harvard for obvious reasons...

Mr. Harvard is the cousin of a good friend of mine and has recently moved backed to CHI-TOWN from Manhattan. Younger man (33 years old, does that make me a cougar yet...since my sister suggested that is the route I should take? Thanks Bubba, really appreciate that on my BDAY), has a good job, lives in my area code, has good fashion and can carry on a decent conversation. Now, this guy is wicked smart (Harvard undergrad, Harvard Law) and is not condescending or arrogant, just a cool fun guy. BUT, ladies seriously, here is the best part...he has some manners and some class, I haven't seen that in dating prospects recently, so color me surprised! Here are a few highlights:

1. We met at a local establishment by my condo on a Saturday night. I, being a good Chicagoan, simply walked there. He had driven, but instead of driving me back to my place...he walked me home!
2. Opens car doors and pulls out chairs.
3. Asked for a 3rd date in the middle of the 2nd date...HUH?
4. Hasn't tried to get me naked or get into my condo yet or even kiss me yet, rest assured that will be corrected soon, the kissing part, ladies!.
5. Asks me questions about my business and wants to help me with my business, which shows forethought and interest in me...

So, ladies and gentlemen, I am not saying send me down the aisle, I really like the pace that this one is going...I am just saying, it is so nice to meet a polite, classy guy, who genuinely shows an interest in me (oh and BTW is pretty cute). I haven't had one of those since 2006 (yep, that's you, crazy redheaded Irish guy, I know you are reading this).

Here is my message, ladies seriously, you gotta kiss a lot of toads to find a prince! And I guess it is good to know that there are classy guys out there, you just have look for a long time. And even when if met a classy guy, he might not be the right guy, which is OK. BUT it is sure nice to find one every once in a while. Just think of it this way...dating after 30 is like shopping on the clearance rack, everything is either returned or damaged, but every once in a while when searching through that clearance rack, you find a BEAUTIFUL Prada handbag for 85% off with no damage...

CHEERS AND CIAO BELLAS!

It's not something you can run from like a crying baby or a bill...

My girl, Karen Walker provided the quote for the title. LOVE HER! Ok, so this subject came up recently with some girlfriends and I thought it was time to discuss. I had friend go on a first date with a guy for drinks. It wasn't the greatest date (he was a BAD kisser, see blog post, This Kiss, This Kiss from August 24, 2009). But the worse part about it was that he let her pay the bill for the drinks and gave her cash for his portion. I'm sorry but I guess chivalry really is DEAD! If the guy asks you out on a first date, he should really pay.

So, it actually got me to thinking about the whole subject of paying the bill when going out for drinks, dinner or any type of entertainment with a date or even a group of friends. So what is proper protocol when paying for a date? Now, I am not one to believe that the guy always pays, because as an independent woman, I believe it is my responsibility to pay my way. But what is appropriate? Ladies seriously, if you are dating someone, or say you get to a FIVER (meaning you have had 5 dates with someone) and it is obvious that things are going well, maybe you should call and ask the guy out and PAY for it. It doesn't have to be extravagant, but trust me, the guy will LIKE it. It is NOT cool to always make the guy pay. But gentlemen, that doesn't mean you get off easy either, don't always let your woman plan the evening out. Trust me I had an ex-husband like that and it was EXHAUSTING. It is nice to be surprised sometimes. I say that it should be a fair give and take between the two. Class on both sides.

So what happens when you are out with a group of friends (guys, girls or mixed company)? How do you handle the bill when it comes? Well, my opinion is that you simply split it with the entire group, UNLESS, you have someone who only had soup and coffee and everyone else had 3 courses and two bottles of wine. Now, none of my friends are this way, but I have heard of people that divide up the bill to the penny and excluding the tax, doing the tip, blah, blah, blah...REALLY? Ladies and gentlemen, are your friends really worth squabbling over a few dollars? Back in the day when I was bringing over 6 figures, I certainly didn't have a problem making up the difference for friends that maybe were struggling a bit financially. AND NOW that I am a business owner, my friends are happy to help me out a bit. It will all come out in the wash and who cares, it is a few dollars and they are your good friends? So ladies seriously, have some class about the bill.

I guess once again the golden rule applies once again (funny how that works), treat your friends and you would have them treat you! That includes your bar bill (trust me, my bar bill sometimes equals the GNP of a small country)!

Cheers and CIAO BELLAS!

You can't teach an old dog new tricks!

Yes, it is an overused saying, but I am finding that is it still applicable to many of our friends of the opposite sex. My parents will be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary this year and I have to laugh sometimes when my mamala complains about things that my dad does (or most of the time doesn't do). She has been complaining about the same things for as long as I can remember. And guess what, she still loves him, BUT he AIN'T going to change and she knows it.

And I always have to wonder what women are thinking when they meet a guy and find a few things that they don't like about him. And what does she try to do? Change him, right? And gentlemen, does this work? GENERALLY NO...there might be a few areas that can be changed if the man wants them to be, like his fashion choices, he may need a makeover and if lady is willing to work with it, OK. But his choices in music, friends, leisure activities or his willingness be faithful to you...probably not. And ladies, I know you are FABULOUS and you would think that your fabulousness alone would be enough to change him, but....NO.

So is it does beg the question, ladies, why do you look for or choose to date guys that don't fit your basic criteria? I guess, I know the answer because there is so much pressure to be a couple versus being a single that a lot of times, you LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH, as opposed to finding the right one. AND TRUST ME, I KNOW, I have been single for about 10 years and it gets really OLD. And I love my married friends and family, who tell me, "he's just around the corner" or "that guy isn't worth it". Well, you know what, my dear friends and family, easy for you to say, sometimes not so easy to live with.

But, ladies seriously, either love your man for who he is and don't try to change him OR if there are things about him that you can't live with, then get out of the relationship. Relationships are definitely about compromise, but you have to decide for yourself what you can and can't live with. I mean, if you are like me and prefer short bald men and find a fabulous tall man with hair, are you really going to break up with him...probably not! But if you need someone who loves dogs as much as you do and your man hates all animals, that might be a deal breaker, or if he smokes or doesn't like kids. Ladies, it way more classy to be true to yourself and your needs than stay in a relationship just so you can have one and then to try to change your man.

So the best thing that you can do is be true to who you are and eventually the right prince charming will come along..or at least that is what I keep saying to myself!

Cheers and CIAO BELLAS!

Ladies seriously...your intuition is usually right.

Ladies, do you ever get that feeling? You know the hairs stand up on the back of your neck. Something is not quite right? Ever get into a situation with someone and that red flag in your head starts to go up. Well, I am finding that you should never ignore your intuition. If you ignore it, generally speaking, you are kicking yourself later because your intuition is USUALLY right.

Now, I know that I am notoriously BAD at picking the right man. And a lot of times when I think a guy is really a good guy, he really isn't. But generally even when I think a guy is a good guy, I have this gut feeling that he is bad news and I am usually right. You would actually be proud of me, recently, that little red flag went up when I was planning on meeting on an old work colleague to discuss his new business venture. I was genuinely interested to see if he would possibly have a job for me in the future. Well, my intent was to meet with him during the day for coffee or soda. And he, of course, kept being real elusive about the time and the place. And then ultimately pushed it to drinks after dinner. BIG RED FLAG...this man is married and simply wanted to hit on me (for the back story on him refer to blog post It's not OK from November 15, 2009). I cancelled the get together and have not spoken to him since.

So, I know what you thinking, why is JZZRGRL bringing this up now? Well, yes, if you guessed that I have a personal story to tell, well then you guessed right. I recently spent time with a very good looking guy who lives outside my ZIP code (and PS, has a long term girlfriend). Said man and I have known each other for over a year and have always been friendly. Recently SAID man and I starting communicating via text, email, Skype, phone, etc and found that not only did we have a physical attraction to one another, we also had a lot in common and found that we actually enjoyed speaking to one another. HOWEVER, that little red flag was going up in the back of my mind. I even said...to SAID man that I was concerned that I was going to be the loser in this scenario (for the back story on SAID man, please refer to the post Once a cheater, always a cheater on August 1st).

So of course, I did see him a few weeks ago. I spent three nights with him and yes, we had a great time. It ALL worked if you know what I mean. SAID man spent 6 weeks texting, calling and getting to know prior to our planned time together. SAID man had also been making comments about coming to see me on other vacations, etc, etc...

SO WHAT, do you think happened? YEP, you guessed it, I got back from the trip and have heard from him exactly three times. AND most times it was in response to a text or email from me. So those red flags, saying you are only being used for one thing and he has a GF, why is interested in you? YEP, they were all correct. SO SAID MAN! THANK YOU very much for confirming EXACTLY what I thought would happen. And the most disappointing part, I considered him a friend and his actions are so disappointing as a friend! Complete lack of class, no matter what the situation.

So ladies seriously, hear me NOW. If something seems not right, it probably isn't and don't make the mistake I made! Because I actually really liked this guy and now I am hurt and disappointed. You are too fabulous to have to be in my situation!

Cheers and CIAO BELLAS!

I'd rather be alone then be unhappy...

WARNING! This ladies seriously post is a bit deeper than most, SO be prepared and YOU have been warned.

I believe that Whitney Houston sang this in her song, "It's not right, but it's OK". So a couple of weekends ago, I spent time with my Gamma Phi Beta sisters (volunteer leaders and collegians). I was struck by conversations with some of our over 50 women who are still single ladies like myself. Most of whom have never been married and chose careers and higher education over getting married earlier in life. Now these are highly educated, well put together women who still want to find someone to grow old with. However, they have not settled for someone that makes them unhappy. And also have serious regrets about not getting married and having children. I completely understand their situation because this is exactly what I am looking for as well. I don't need to be married, but I would like someone around to push my wheelchair when I can't walk from knee damage due to years of Jazzercise! And I know a lot of women that feel the same way.

And then I started thinking about many of my guy friends who are in unhappy relationships, living together or not, and they just stay in the relationship. Why? Because they can't stand to be alone, which is just sad. Just this week, a VERY good guy friend of mine found out that his sales job had been eliminated. Fortunately, his company found him another job in the company and therefore, he will not be without a paycheck, he just won't be seeing his sales commission check. So he went home to tell his live in girlfriend about losing his job and commission check. Keep in mind that these two have been together for over 8 years. And the GF was NOT sympathetic or understanding, she was more concerned about the loss of the commission check. REALLY? This is a man that you supposedly love and you can't be supportive of his loss. Now, I am not one to hand out advice on relationships, but I told him to RUN LIKE THE WIND from this relationship, she obviously doesn't love him or know how to be supportive. And if she is this way in a situation like this, how will she be with a real tragedy, tough times or kids?

I know of countless men who are in relationships (married or not) who date outside their relationship or sleep around. I used to work with a guy who was living with his GF and was never convinced that he wanted to get married. We traveled together once and had I not stopped it, I am sure he would have cheated on her with me...GUESS WHAT? He married her last year. Do you think that marriage is going to last or that he is NOT going to cheat on her? HECK NO!

The ones that I have the hardest time with are those that are not married, WHY ARE you cheating? Just break up with your GF, I have always believed that if you are cheating then you are obviously missing something in your current relationship OR like the case of one of my very good guy friends, you are simply not ready to make a commitment.

So gentlemen (and LADIES TOO, because ladies, I know you do it as well, heck I have done it) seriously, let me say to this you loud and clear, if you are cheating, then you are not with the right woman (or man). And I know relationships and marriage are hard, but my parents have been married 40 years but neither of them has ever considered cheating. My sister and brother in law have been married for almost 12 years, no cheating...

Ladies and gentlemen seriously, in this day and age (facebook, email, text, twitter, skype and the good old fashioned phone), please be alone and happy. Don't stay in a relationship that you know doesn't work just so that you have someone. I was married for three years, and my EX did me a favor by divorcing me, I got a 2nd chance to find the right person for me (unfortunately, 10 years later, I am still looking). You can EVEN really love a person and be in the wrong relationship. I dated Joe for 2 1/2 years and I really, really loved him, he still wasn't the right person for me and we had to break up.

WHEW...that was deep, I think I need some wine. Enjoy the rest of your week, I am off to my hometown for a wine event (imagine that). Cheers and CIAO BELLAS!