Thursday, August 20, 2009

Life is short, but marriage is long...

So drink up and it will go a heck of a lot of my favorite quotes from Shirley MacLaine in the movie Rumor Has It. So I think it is time to talk about marrige, ladies. The good, the bad and the ugly! So in the good parents, have been married for almost 39 years. My sister and brother in law have been married 11+ years. My best friend from high school has been married for 10+ years. NONE of these couples will tell you it is easy, it takes a lot of hard work, yelling, crying, smiling and talking, but they made it.

And, I also know of examples where women and men have found a great match in a second marriage...I am pretty much surrounded my good marriages. So if you think I am completely jaded about marriage, you are wrong. But then in the bad category, well, not so bad, there is me! Married for 3 years and have been divorced for almost 9 years. Now, it was not a bad marriage, just not the right guy. I drank the Koolaid, I bought into the hype and got married because I thought I was supposed to get married, that's what you DO, right? Wrong!!!! Allow me to be a romantic for just a moment, yes, I do have savor it, this doesn't happen often. Ladies seriously, you should be marrying someone because you cannot imagine spending the rest of your life without this person, despite his flaws and yours. You should be prepared to know that after the honeymoon is over, you are going to go through good times and bad, and you should KNOW deep down that this man is for you.

Let me give you one quick example of why I should have known that my ex-husband wasn't for 1996 we got engaged, very romantic, proposed at the Palmer House Hilton overlooking the Christmas Tree, on one knee, the whole thing! Two weeks later, my dear grandfather passed away (about 2-3 days before Christmas). So we had to change flights plans for the holidays as the funeral was to be the day after Christmas. My WONDERFUL fiance DID NOT go to the funeral or come to Christmas with me. WHY you ask? Well, he had a wedding in which he was an usher (not even a groomsman) on December 30th and he was afraid that he couldn't get his flight plans changed, so he went to the wedding instead...without me. Now, how I thought this was acceptable behavior back then, I will never know...but you get my point. If a guy can't even go to your grandfather's funeral, probably not going to be a good guy when the going gets tough!

OK, for the ugly...the real reason I wanted to talk about this subject is for those women who have been waiting for 2+ years for their boyfriend to marry them. OH ladies! I can tell you countless stories of women who live with their boyfriends or actually have a ring, have been engaged for multiple years with no date set or have had their BF tell them that they don't want to get married and the woman just sits and waits. Ladies seriously, if he has been with you (living with you) for multiple years and still isn't marrying you...he isn't going to. And honestly, I hate to see you wait around with the wrong guy while the right guy who DOES want to marry you is out there! And yes, I know there are guys that do end up getting married after 7-10 years, but how many times do those relationships end up in divorce?

If your goal is to get married and have a family, ladies, you should really be looking for someone who has that same goal. Don't try to change someone who is not looking for that. AND if you meet Mr. Wonderful and he doesn't want children and you really do, Mr. Wonderful might be a better match for someone else.

Ladies seriously, no matter what your goal is in your relationship, married, not married, kids, no kids, city, suburbs, make sure your goals match with the guy that you think you want a long term relationship with. You are all WAY TOO fabulous to sit and wait for the wrong guy. And I know that if you are living with someone, it is hard to make that decision, trust me, I was there and made the wrong one!

Ok, off my soapbox for today! Cheers and CIAO BELLAS!

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